Monday, November 16, 2009

The sky begins to clear...

Hi, mom. I got bigger while you were pregnant.

It's about time for an update on the pregnancy. I've just started feeling those first flutters of a new life--wow. I forget each time how strange it is to suddenly feel that little person whose life has thrown our lives into such change so quickly and who is so worth the price.

And I am coming back to life! It is like rising from the dead to suddenly wake up one morning and want a pickle and mustard sandwich. With a side of Lime Tostitos. Then, a few nights later, I had to have Mu Shu beef (you know, the cabbage stir-fry with the little pancakes and soy sauce). And so on. By November 7, I was eating three meals per day and down to two doses of the medication.

The clouds lifted, the sun shone through, and the world was renewed.

My mother has been so wonderful--reminding me to go slowly, don't push it too fast. She still does all diapers and the cooking, which lets me just play with the girls. Oh! To play with one's own children! To return from the dead.

Of course, returning to life is not without its bumps. When I rejoined my parents at dinner about a week ago, my 4-year-old promptly decided to see if Mommy was really "in charge" now. Haha. Yes, dear, I am still in charge here. And the past three days I've realized that the 15-month-old I left in August is now an 18-month-old who plays new games, has new words I don't really understand, and professes her newfound opinions with healthy vigor.

I have great trepidation on the one hand: We return to our home in the Deep South (and to our dearest Scientist Dad) on December 1st. The tickets are bought, the time draws near. Can I really do this? Grocery shopping, laundry, diapers, discipline, cooking... What will happen when it's just me and the girls and this bulging belly all day? What if...?

But surely the lesson of severe illness is that all such fear, while natural, must be put aside with the other childish things. There is no "what if" in God's plan, and he can amply provide for our struggle to follow his will. All those little tasks will come on one (or two or three!) at a time, and I'm sure the times will come when my heart and body will break. But all will be most well. Hasn't he shown me that already these past three months?

Show me, again, Lord. Show me again and again and again.


Diane said...

Hello, I came here via Conversion Diary. I love what I see and will be back often!

Many prayers for you as you prepare to head home and face this giant task--growing a baby and holding down the fort simultaneously.

e2 said...

Thanks, Diane! The prayers are much appreciated.

earthie said...

Beautiful friend- prayers and love.

Margaret said...

I also came over from Conversion Diary- I've so enjoyed reading through your archives- great stuff!

Melanie B said...

I'm so glad to hear you are eating again and feeling alive. You will continue to be in my prayers as you go back home (yay!!!)

Oh your Bella is getting so big! "the 15-month-old I left in August is now an 18-month-old who plays new games, has new words I don't really understand," Ouch that hurts. Especially the words you don't understand.

But then there is this passage that I made not of from yesterday's Office of Readings (wasn't sure why it grabbed me but it did): ‘I will make up to you for the years devoured by grown locust and hopper'

The time isn't lost even though it seemed to be. He will redeem it all.

Melanie B said...

sorry that should be "made note of"

Cass said...

I have also come here from Conversion Diary. I have really enjoyed everything I've read here and now have you on my blog feed so I can enjoy all of your new posts.

Many prayers that everything goes smoothly as you return home to take on everything ahead of you.

Erika said...

Beautiful, Melanie! Thanks.

Lola said...

Lime Tostitos & Mu Shu beef proves your feeling better!

Those flutters are so wonderful!

I remember the first time I noticed them, they felt like tiny bubbles.

Your mother is a sweetheart, and take her advice, go it slow... Snuggle the little bunnies you have before you, and enjoy those butterfly flutters!

God Bless you and so glad you're feeling better.

Jessica said...

I am so glad to hear that the sickness is beginning to lift . . . my hg began to lift just like you described a few weeks ago, and we are making it! The groceries, the laundry, the kids . . . it's all soooo much more manageable when you don't feel like death every day. I think of you often and pray that you continue to improve, that the transition back home will be a smooth one. I so enjoy your blog.

Dawn Farias said...

Yes to all of that. Thank you for the reminders.

Young Mom said...

Over from conversion diary, so glad that you are starting to feel human again, I remember that feeling!